i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
