positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
