i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
