So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
