fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
