Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
