shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
