I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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