so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
