hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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