My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
