I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
