it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
