There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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