It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
