it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
