im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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