My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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