I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
