When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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