Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
drinking out of a sandbucket again
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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