This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
