i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize