Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
