she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
