he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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