i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
