We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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