I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
