I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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