yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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