I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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