you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
