she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
