Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
