Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize