i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
