dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
