By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You work out of a Hotel?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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