I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
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he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
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But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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