I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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