where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
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I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
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I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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