This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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