I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
