i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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