don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We need to rekindle our bromance
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
