is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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