If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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