sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
