Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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