It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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