Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
