i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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