This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
