If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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