if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
