Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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