the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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