Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
