That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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