i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
